When you get married, you totally expect to weather every storm together. But sometimes, life throws such a big curveball that you just don’t know how to handle it. Like when you find out your husband of ten years has been hiding a self-described “fetish” from you.

Hi,

I would like some advice because, well, this a new horrifying plot twist in my relationship. Last night, my husband of 10 years sat me down and told me he’s been dressing up like a woman and talking to people online as part of a “forced feminization” fetish. He has done this in varying degrees for thirty years.

I am flabbergasted. Never in a million years would I have expected this of my manly, chunky, bearded, construction worker husband. I initially laughed because I thought it was a joke, and then because the thought this huge hairy man sitting around in ladies clothes is so incongruous there was no way it was true.

Then I started thinking of the panic when his computer stopped working. How he would say he was playing hide and seek with the dog when I would come home from work and find him hiding in the laundry room or another random room.

One minute he says he’s telling me because he wants to stop and come clean. The next minute he’s saying if I made him he would wear a bra, panties, and nightgown to bed at night. I don’t know what to do with this information. Is this infidelity? Should I try to play along with this fantasy?

He’s never had much of a sex drive and has been impotent for the last five years of our marriage. He now says that is God’s punishment for this behavior. I’m so confused.

Please help.